Went for my annual bodily final week. All People ought to do that as a result of we dwell in disturbing occasions. Been seeing the identical physician for 20 years. She was really fearful about me. cute. Old skool.
The method hasn’t modified a lot through the years: blood strain taken, blood drawn, blood mentioned. Dracula could be blissful.
We began with a younger feminine medical assistant asking me questions, despite the fact that my “profile” was on the pc she was looking at.
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surname?
O’Reilly.
excessive?
6’4″.
weight?
200.
Do you snore?
What?
Loud night breathing whereas sleeping.
Don’t assume so – possibly a little bit of a whimper.
My canine snores.
Having mentioned this, the girl raised her head with a hint of disdain in her eyes.
Sure, ma’am.
Do you eat junk meals?
Normally not.
However typically?
pizza.
Actually?
If we would like some, we purchase dominoes.
Are you making enjoyable of me?
Sure.
Simply in time, the physician got here in. The younger girl glanced at her. She nodded. I am going to take it from right here, she mentioned.
She checked out me.
Any questions?
It’s only a matter of loud night breathing.
You’ll by no means change.
Apparently not.
Allow us to provide you with your flu shot and pneumonia shot.
A imaginative and prescient of RFK, Jr. appeared in my thoughts. Can I nonetheless sort once I flip right into a werewolf?
I say, two for the value of 1.
You might be outdated. You want the pneumonia vaccine.
However Bobby mentioned…
The needle seems. Quick and environment friendly. If I begin howling as a substitute of loud night breathing, name the authorities.
After an “ECG” check, I used to be accomplished.
The physician mentioned your pores and skin could be very dry.
I’m Irish. It is chilly. Is that this an issue?
Does not look good.
Ought to I get a tattoo to cover it?
Utterly ignore this assertion. If in case you have any discomfort, please name me.
We have been on the telephone all day every single day.
You could have to have a colonoscopy.
I hoped you’d say that.
We are able to prepare one for you.
“Let me dwell” is difficult.
Do you assume it is price it?
Not if I can’t eat pizza.
The examination was over, I buttoned up my garments and walked into the ready room. There, two receptionists smiled. Blissful holidays to everybody.
However one of the best half: no loud night breathing points.
